Relationship Tips: How early should you ask the ''what are we' question?

If you have been going on dates with someone and doing things that makes you feel like you are in a relationship with them, when will be the right time to ask them what’s going on, and when will it be right to pop the common "what are we" question?

After a while of dating a man or woman and being without labels, the need for clarification and clear expression of intent is needed so as to know if what you’re feeling is mutual or you’re on your own. You’d need to know if what you are doing has a future or if it’s just a waste of time, emotions, feelings and affection and hopes.

You’ll also need to know so as to open up the door to other people, instead of pinning all your hopes on this person who has not declared his intention.

She's perfect but she doesn't have a university education; should I continue with her? play

Man in dilemma


When should you ask the question?

Knowing that clarity is important is only half of the solution. Actually asking at the right time and in the right manner is the other half.

Asking someone to declare their real intent with you can be a little awkward and this is why many people shy away from asking, even though it’s a burning question on their minds.

To ask, some believe one month is ideal depending on how quickly the bond is being created and how strong the connection is getting between two people. Also depending on how desirous of something serious you are, you might want to ask quickly so as to avoid wasting too much time.

Confused young woman. play

Confused young woman.

(Woman’s day)


In this writer’s opinion, however, you have to ask before the end of three months after your first meeting.

This is reasonable enough so that you don’t appear desperate to be in a relationship.

It also ensures you don’t stay too long dating this person only to find out that he has no intention of being in a relationship with you.

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